As I sat in the cattle market, also known as the Ryanair gate to London, I watched as my fellow passengers lined up and waited and waited and waited. There wasn't even a plane! We were leaving from gate 1, as it said on my boarding pass, then there was an announcement; "Flight FR1789 is now schedule to leave from gate 2!" Then all of the passengers/lemming stood at gate 1, shuffled over to gate 2. However at gate 2 were over a hundred passengers waiting to fly to Sofia (Bulgaria).
Then the announcement came, sending the Whizz Air passengers at gate 2 over to gate 1, more shuffling and shoving and everyone was settled and waited. Shortly after came another announcement "flight FR1789 to London is now leaving from gate 1". More exasperated shuffling.
This was becoming hilarious, while all this was going on, I had been sat on my seat positioned half way between gates 1 and 2, watching the palaver unfold in front of my eyes. I had learned that since Ryanair now assigned you a seat when you checked in online, there really is no reason to stand in line, just sit and wait.
During all the Kafuffle a young girl and two guys sat with me waiting for their flight, they were chatting away in a language I couldn't recognise. I was half watching the queues, half watching this trio. When there was another announcement "flight FR1789 is now leaving from gate 2!" I couldn't help but giggle as, yet again, the lemmings repositioned themselves at the new gate. It was then that I noticed the little guy next to me was taking to me. I looked at him, "Bulgarien?" He asked, "Me no, British!" I smiled and turned away. The girl opposite smiled and said "Aber sie Verstehen Deutsch Oder?" (Do you understand German) "Ya ein bisschen." I lied. The little man then turned to me and asked me, auf Deutsch, "come with us to Bulgaria." I had to laugh, I hadn't been propositioned by a Bulgarian short man before. I politely declined the offer and lined up, ready to board the plane that was now waiting to leave from gate 2.
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| Secuirty - E passport Scanner at Stansted Airport |
After the flight I knew that I had a bit of a trek to border control, but with my new E passport, rather than wait in the hour long queue with the troglodytes, I could go through the automated barriers. The queue was about five minutes, what a result result. As I read all the instructions, watched the "helpful" video, and kept an eye the people in front of me, I noticed that only one in five people were getting through the barriers. My turn, I stepped up to the line, placed my passport on the reader an scowled at the web cam (I was scowling in he photo) and I was let through. Quick loo stop, pick up the suitcase and I was done. As I passed duty free I looked up and saw a familiar face. Ginger One was waiting for me.
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| I can do airport arrivals like a celeb |
In the car G.O told me his plan for the rest of the day. Home and sleep were obviously not an option. He had tickets to the filming of an advert in Wembley, it had Al Murray, Lee Nelson and Paddy McGuiness in and was for Stoptober. G.O also had tickets to an new Alan Carr show called 'The Singer Takes It All' it was being filmed at Elstree studio at eight O'clock.
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| Me waiting for G.O at the Wembley studios |
He was convinced we could attend both shows! We got to the Wembley studios with half an hour to spare. I hopped out and held our space in the queue while G.O parked the car, this time I had to wait in line like everyone else. I got chatting to a man from Essex who told me he was going home afterwards to have an Indian and soak his feet. I smiled and let a couple more people join the queue, on the pretext that I was waiting for 'my husband'.
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| The Q Crazies |
I then ended up with a young party girl, who wasn't even sure if she wanted to do this. "She gave me the tickets, do you know what it's all about?" I shrugged and let a few more people ahead of me. Getting some room between me and the crazies.
Five minutes to four, the cut off for joining the queue, G.O arrived. Thank goodness for that. He received his wrist band and we were told that we would be let in in an hour!! What was all the rushing for?
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| The 'Gold' wrist band of an applause store priority member |
The queue was getting longer and longer by the minute. Now you'd think that you can make a lot of new friends in these queues, but I was not interested (I was hungry and tired). It was a show to encourage people to quit smoking, but all around us people were lighting up. A guy with a massive walkie talkie kept running up and down the line looking for smokers to give him "funny smoking anecdotes" that he could use as sound bites in the advert.
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| Queue Selfie |
Just as I was contemplating running over to MacDonald's for something to eat, they began letting us in. Not only were we now in the 'compound', no turning back now, but they were handing out refreshments, a first for one of these things. I helped myself to a water, and banana, I was getting "hangry", and a tiny stick of fudge. Once again, I was getting fidgety, when they security guards started moving the line along, and before we knew it we were in the studio.
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| It takes two hours to film a fifteen minute advert.
We were in the front three rows, which normally guarantees that you, or part of you will appear on screen. The warm up guy arrived and explained what the advert was all about. In October this year the adverts will run alongside as campaign to promote giving up smoking for one month. You are more likely to give up for good if you can quite for a month, that's what they say anyway.
The warm up guy then did the usual 'Where does everyone come from?' Shtick, normally I avoid getting involved, they end up involving you in all of their gags and it can be uncomfortable. For some reason today I was up for it. "Germany!" I yelled. Well so began a forty five minute onslaught which involved Stuart marrying a German who couldn't remember what she had eaten on the most special day of her life. In my defence I can't remember what I ate last week, never mind sixteen months ago. Yes I understand it was the happiest day of my life, but for me it was about marrying my best friend, not remembering that the soup we had for starter was leek and potato.
The show was hosted by Paddy McGuiness, with support from Lee Nelson "That Northern Legend is right!" and Al Murray "Stop stopping yourself from stopping and stop!" and as it was only a short advert, the filming only took a few minutes. However they had to re shoot it, and after the tenth time, apparently the gallery said you could see the audience members mouthing along, so we had to retake it. Just when I could take no more they said "Thank you all for coming, you are free to go!"
Now like some sort of Ginger Anneka Rice we began the trawl across London, pretty much back where we came from to the next TV show. G.O really wanted to see if, more to see if he could beat the traffic and make it on time. But before all of that we had to find the Green car park and the car. It was then that I was asked by passers by if I was a contestant on X Factor they were filming some auditions in the arena. It was just next to the car park, I persuaded the G.O to go and have a look.
It was madness, there were people everywhere, two or three film crews and photographers were filming the crowds and contestants. We managed to sneak a couple of photos of the queue and signs but it was very hectic.
We found the car and then turned on the sat nav (it works again) and it said we would get to the Elstree studios just in the nick of time. We parked the car in the council car park. Every time we park here I tell G.O "this is where my friend S.B used to work" he used to say "I know you always tell me that!" Now he just nods with a "mmh hmm"
 The ticket stated that audience members needed to dress up as if we were heading out for a night on the town. Casual clothes would not be allowed entrance. I was wearing a summer dress with Birkenstocks, not at all glamorous and ready for a night on the tiles. As we approached the door the people ahead of us all looked smart and sparky lots of cleavage on display I looked positively frumpy in comparison and didn't hold out much hope of us getting in.   To my surprise they didn't even give us a second glance and we sailed in. At the bag search they took away one of the free bottles of water I had, assuring me that there would be refreshments available inside. They lied!! The show itself was great fun. The premise is that a singer start in the middle of a travalator and if the audience at home like them they press a button on their app and the singer moves forwards towards the 'gold zone', if the home audience doesn't like them they will move backwards towards the 'flaps' and will be disqualified. the singer who spent the most time in the gold zone is the winner. Alan Carr was the host, with guests including Pixie Lott. I think had I not spent the whole day travelling and having already watched a show been taped, I would have thoroughly enjoyed myself but I just wasn't feeling it. To make matters worse we were stood in front of all the contestants friends and family and it was awkward when they went through the flaps and I was cheering because I agreed.  |
